You know you are a Serb when ... :)

Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs.
Your family owns a coffee grinder..and a nut grinder
You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name
Duck tape is your father's only tool next to using a kitchen knife as a screwdriver .
Baba chased you around the house with Kamilica to drink and Vicks toshove up your nose when you had a cold.
Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikanac
You get a C in history, but can recite every Serbian king, in order,from Czar Dusan
Your dad never told you about the birds and the bees
At your wedding you know only about a third of the people there.
At your wedding you have a minimum of 350 guests.
At your wedding the first song is always "danas majka zeni svoga sina".
You have at least 3 slave to attend to on the same day.
All slave have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
All weddings have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
All christenings have the cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
A Serb girl tries to look 23 but she's actually 15.
At least one of your friends name is "Dragan".
You are somehow related to every 1 in 3 Serb girls/boys.
You don't actually attend University, just hang out there and play "tablic".
You can derive "Steve" from "Nenad".
You can derive "David" from "Zeljko".
You can derive "Mark" from "Mirko".
Your father calls you a "dummy" for not knowing how to do something he can't either.
Even the fat Serb chicks put on the tightest skirt possible.
Your father expects you to study or "hit da books" every waking hour that he's home, and he expects nothing less than an "A".
A cold shiver runs down your spine when your mom threatens by using the word "tata" in a sentence.
Your Deda cuts the grass with knee high black socks and slippers.
You work out six days a week, but somehow you dad whoops your ass in like five seconds after he comes home from a thirteen hour day from the bakery/factory/food business.
You own a leather jacket.
You have three pairs of black shoes.
You have a doily covering your DVD, VCR, printer, scanner
You make sure to bring pictures of your new car/apartment/house with you to YU and show them to your jealous relatives & friends but make it look unintentional
When you know what "merak" is and spread your arms every single time you hear "Nema raje bez rodnoga kraja"

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When you roll pancakes and eat them as a dessert after dinner
When your tata never misses to "oglodati oko kosti"
When you think there is no better thing in the world but to dip bread in the lard dripping from a roasted pig
When your pride is more important than your own happiness
When you do not announce yourself before visiting a friend and are happy to see him/her at your door in the same manner
When you say your last name first and prefer last names that ends in "ic"